i love my mom...but her email footer? not so much.

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."




email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

When I heard that Argentina just elected their first (Democratically Elected) Female President I was so excited! TWO STEPS forward!

And then I saw the title of it’s accompanying article:


Argentina’s new Evita Peron tangoes her way to power


aaaannnnd three steps back.












email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

random e-mail((#2))from my boss:

“Dude has the hots for the site”



((that's it....that is all the e-mail said. How am I suppose to respond to that?))




email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

i am an auntie as of this morning!

don't know the name yet but::

6lbs 7 oz
19 inches
dark eyes, dirty blond hair

and very smiley...my mom says she is very attentive and looks at whomever is speking to her..which of course my mom equates with sheer genius...((my mom also swears she talks..erm..yes at one day old. what? no novel or screenplay yet? baby be slacking!))

=b

i got her a big soft brown bear and a bib that i put on the bear that says i love my auntie...but before you roll your eyes i was going to get her a shirt with my face on it and two thumbs up...

...she was born the day i came back to nyc from los angeles. booooooo.

anywhoo, baby girls are good additions to the world.

today is a =) day.




email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Much to the great chagrin and utter dismay of my co-workers I have been talking like an 85 year-old menthol-smoking grandma for the whole freaking day...I cannot stop! I don’t know why!!! It’s an addiction that I just don’t know how to quit!

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Today is National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Is it weird that I am the only one in my office (corporate office on Madison Ave.)that does not give a crap?

click below for more info than you ever wanted and/or needed to know about this fabulous day::

Talk Like A Pirate!!



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

east coast friendzies!!
What: my improv 101 class performance
Who: my improv 101 class (taught by ari voukydis)!
Where:
the UCB Theatre307 West 26th Street
(between 8th and 9th Avenue)
When: Saturday, September 29 @ 04:00 PM
Cost: $5.oo
Why: b/c you lo-ove me


Disclaimer:
the koh train asked what does he do if i am not funny. erm……you laugh anyway.
this will effectively eliminate any awkward moments afterwards when i stare at you
beseechingly with bambi eyes and asked if you laughed during the show. this is improv 101 folks. we are beginners performing something incredibly hard, so laugh regardless of whether we are funny or not!!...and nooooo throwing tomatos a la fonzie…BRIAN i am sooo talking to you.

that being said, we think we are pretty funny and have had a lot of fun acting a fool these past two months in class and i want to share what my class and i have been learning with you!!

hope to see you there!


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

I love cute crazy old people. There must be an old folks home near the UCB Theatre. I was waiting in line for AsssCat 3000 last night (which was awesome!) and there were a surplus of cute crazy old people.

The first was the little old lady about 75 or 80 approaching everyone in line about attending her improv show and passing out neon flyers to a show that I doubt she is connected to. She says she tried stand-up but found improv less intimating--

erm…

…caregiver come get your charge.

Then there was this cute little old man with dirty white clothes on and a large green parrot on his shoulder who decided to cut past the 50+ people in line and sit in the front of the line. He did not say a word, (nor did his parrot oddly enough) but just sat there…him and his parrot…just chillin’. Nobody said anything, probs because it was so surreal.

And then finally another little old man shuffled by a while later and asked me what the line was for. I said improv shows…and was like, cool. and shuffled to the end of the line.



cuuuuuuteNcraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy old people make the world go’round!!!





email me!


you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

My 85 year old security guard serenades me. Jealous? You should be. The other security guards apparently are. Because today another one started humming as I walked by.

The semi-retired security guards are fighting for my attention!!!

I have arrived.


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

The brakes on the bus were going out today which made my NYC bus ride to work today quite thrilling. The NJ driver kept on cussing, screeching on the brakes, and honking at other drivers to get out of the way…


I was sitting right behind the driver and all I heard the whole time was this:


Shit. Screeeeech HONK!! shiiit HOOONK!! sccccreeeeech. SHHHHIIIIITTTTTT screeeeech. HONKHONKHONK!!!!sccccreeeeech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good times my friends….good times.



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

IM Convo I had today will co-worker HR

HR [5:07 PM]:
Regardless, it's pretty odd everyone is leaving all of a sudden. M, S, S and now G

ME [5:07 PM]:
i have no idea who s is

HR [5:08 PM]:
The indian IT dude that manages our servers, specifically IIS stuff

ME [5:08 PM]:
oh. and everyone on the staff at my church is leaving too
ME [5:08 PM]:
hmmm it seems to be an epidemic!

HR [5:08 PM]:
oh and of course K, but that was to be expected

ME [5:08 PM]:
but none of these people were happy here either

HR [5:08 PM]:
true
HR [5:08 PM]:
E, I'll never leave you! hahaha

ME [5:09 PM]:
mr. rogers told me that too
ME [5:10 PM]:
but then he went and died on me
ME [5:10 PM]:
bastard

HR [5:10 PM]:
haha

ME [5:10 PM]:
LYING bastard

HR [5:11 PM]:
did i tell you the year after i graduated, the proceeding graduating class got mr. rogers to give their commencement speech, but he died on them and they were unable to find a suitable replacement in time

ME [5:11 PM]:
that is the worst story in the whole wide world.

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

There is this woman in my office. Nobody likes her because of her numerous annoying habits. I tried to be nice to her in the beginning, and give her the benefit of the doubt, but it’s really hard when ALL of my co-workers cannot stand her…plus they dooo sorta have a point...she can be pretty annoying. I don't try that hard anymore. (Which also kinda speaks to how I handle peer pressure.)

Anyway, when I first started working here, I would see her in the hallway or bathroom or on the streets and always waved and said hello. She always ignored me. So after months of being blatantly ignored I stopped saying hello whenever we crossed paths. This means, if we see each other walking down the street we basically pretend the other person does not exist.

Even though we work less than three feet away from each other.
A different co-worker thought this was funny.
This is more sad than funny to me.
New Yorkers are soo strange sometimes.
Now, don't get me wrong I lo-ove me some New York, but this type of normalcy--never acknowledging someone who works less than three feet away from me--makes me miss Southern California.


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Busy Mooooving…in what has to be the most ridiculously chaotic move ever in the history of all moves…venturing out deep into a questionable part of Brooklyn to return 4 cable boxes and a modem, people out of the country who needed to pay deposits, two and a half fully furnished aptartments squished into one for a few days, moving at midnight to fit a friend’s busy schedule, getting keys to people that need them 1.5 hours before I can physically get there and are waiting with movers who charge by the hour, lest not forget the bathtub incident in my current apt. that I wrote about on Friday…

There are more issues I am sure my brain is consciously blocking from memory as a self-protective measure.

Did I mention the one delusional moving company who quoted 1 grand to move a bed and desk 5.5 miles…”because we use pulleys!”

Screw your pulleys! My pulleys can beat up your pulleys!

=b


My other new roommates have embraced the chaos and I think I am succumbing to their non-dastardly ways.

Besides, there will be a super fun housewarming party that will be the balm to this move’s chapped lips...


...yeah, I have no idea where I was going with that analogy either.




((AND for what it’s worth, I am actually really really excited because my new roommates are nothing short of stupendous. STUPENDOUS I tell you!!))


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Seasonal beer:

I love Blue Moon Summer Ale.

Mmmm….Blue Moon Summer Ale.

So, you can imagine my great dismay when I found out they are no longer serving it because it’s “FALL” now…henceforth I am stuck with Blue Moon Harvest Pumpkin Ale.

Who wants pumpkin crap in their beer?

Stupid seasonal beer rule maker upers.

UPDATE:

I have had the Blue Moon Harvest Pumpkin Ale and it is really quite tasty.

Mmmm….Blue Moon Harvest Pumpkin Ale.

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Thoughts on the FREE JESUS manifesto?



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

I went to bed at 3:30am and then, and then, subsequently up at 7:30am for work.

WHY?

Sooo GLAD you asked.

b/c I came home at 1:30am to a bathtub almost filled to the brim with water...the water knobs would not turn off, so the water was freely running, and the tub was not draining AT ALL...I had to get a big bowl and scoop water out and pour it down the sink numerous times so it would not overflow and cause serious water damage. Since it is not my apt, I did not have any management numbers and the super was not answering his door despite my frequent pounding and doorbell ringing (in all fairness, it WAS 1:30 in the morning). My friend S, who lived there until last Saturday and is one the lease (thus, would have the much needed management numbers) was not answering her phone. I woke the other roomie up...but she is subletting too so she had no numbers either. Her suggestion was to take turns continually scooping out water until the morning when we could get in contact with the management.

erm...noooo

I eventually got a hold of G who lived there in June, and got the number: the household management team was not in (DUH, 1:30 in the morning), but it did say, for tenants ER, press one, so I did, AND got another recording.

anywhoo, G and his AWESOME self came over at 2am and figured out a way to jerry-rig it so the water stopped running.

so, I am sitting here at work, un-showered, (does baby wiping count?) trying to figure out a way to sleep with my eyes open.

And S is like let's go daaaancing tonight in the meatpacking district!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ha.

ZZZZZZZ + ME = HAPPYHAPPYJOYJOY

is what I am doing tonight.


Oh, and when S called the Management company this morning to tell them what happened, their response was, “What do you want us to do about it?”


good times. good times.

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

“Full rubber lubricants. What do they do? Define your business!”

What my boss gleefully announced to whomever would listen as he entered the office this morning.

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Had dinner on the lower east side last night with friends whom I have not seen in a hot minute (can I pull that off? Saying hot minute? anywhoo):

A snippet of our conversation:


B: Yeah, I’m going to need the keys to your old apt, and the keys to your new apt.
Me: Ha.
R: Why?
S: Oh, and my uncle needs to know when he should come.
R: WHAT?
Me: Ok.
A: I might be a life coach on MTV’s Made!
R: What does S’s uncle have to do with anything?
C: guuuuys pay attention to my So. African slide show!


And it all made sense to me.

PS: love you GG!!

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

One of my best friends in high school was absolutely gorgeous, incredibly sweet, but really insecure. She always had to be in a relationship and pretty much morphed into whatever type of guy she was dating—for example, if the guy liked punk rock (‘scuse me, rawk) then she became punk, alternatively, if the guy was into classical music all of a sudden she would become sophisticated and her taste in music, wardrobe, attitude would all shift. Fast-forward to the present day…I have not spoken to her in years, we just kinda drifted apart after high school as we grew older and increasingly different.

Sooooo.

I just found her myspace…her latest boyfriend is erm…wait for it…a muscle-man. Yes, the whole shebang::: the orange ommpa-loompa tan, bleached veneers, huge honking muscles, and the nickname “Alpha-Male” to boot. So guess what my childhood friend is now? A muscle-woman. She has the orange tan, is super bulked up and competing in muscle competitions, with bleached white veneers as well. This would be hilarious if it was somebody else, ANYBODY else, but this is MY childhood friend, with the orange skin, fake florescent teeth, expanding muscles and empty eyes. MY friend that never believed it whenever I told her she was amazing, MY friend who compared her self-worth to how much the guy in her life paid attention to her.

no.

This is not funny at all.



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

random e-mail ((#1)) from my pink shirt wearing Scottish boss::




"In the light of recent events, and as we looking to add a couple of people to teamXXXX, the thought occurred to me that we should have a “what does it take to be in teamXXXX?” type question.



Obviously a collective hatred for Scottish people in pink shirts goes without saying.



However, what defines the work environment? How do we all get on?



In a recent conversation with Project ManagerXXXX it occurred to me – Mike Judge’s Office Space. Mandatory viewing of this. An understanding of the dialogue:

Bob: Peter – describe a typical day for you

Peter: Well, I generally come in 15 minutes late, usually through the side door so that my boss doesn’t notice. I then turn on my computer and just kind of phase out.

Bob: What do you mean, phase out?

Peter: well, I just kind of stare at my computer screen. It gives the illusion I am working, but I am not actually doing anything. Then I go for lunch, come back late and head home early. So, in general, in any given day, I probably only do about 15 minutes actual work



This is not the exact wording, but the best I can do from memory.



So, questions for future candidates:

What kind of stapler is the bone of contention?

How does Peter increase his office space?

What is the track to beat up on a fax machine?

What is an “O” face?

How do you get the financing to eventually get funding to create a “Jump to conclusions mat”?

Is Jennifer Anniston tolerable in this movie?

What is the minimum amount of flare that should be worn?



Any other questions that you can think of would be greatly appreciated.



If you have not seen this film, you should. Then look up around you in Company XXXX. It is better even than “Waiting”, which as anyone that has been a waiter/waitress knows – never mess with someone that is delivering food that you will consume.



BossXXXX"


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com