I refuse to pay $900.00 for a pair of 'designer glasses' -- yeah I'm talking to you Gramercy Optical.

Now I'm not one to speculate BUT.....

I'm staying late at work all by myself and...

"Let's Get it On" and "Sexual Healing," by Marvin Gaye are BLASTING from the closed door of one of the offices.

erm......

Operation Clear Conscience and a Sweet Sweet Ass: 1st month Update:

I became Vegan on April 3rd and I measured and weighed myself on April 9th and remeasured and weighed myself today May, 10th. I am 10.3 inches smaller and 9 pounds lighter than I was one month ago!

Thanks Big Daddy G, Bikram Yoga and turning Vegan!!!

I will give another update on Month 2!

is it weired that i dream of cheese pizza now that i'm vegan? i never dreamed of chesse pizza when i was able to eat it. le siiigh.

NYC Subway Stories:

So, one of my bosses came in this morning flustered about the morning train ride’s goings on. Apparently a pervert on the train took out his unmentionables and started rubbing on a female passenger. Well, what Pervert did know what that Female Passenger was not having ANY of that…so she turned around and clocked him. Then she continued beating him up until the next stop where she got off to report him. Female Passenger is my HERO! GO GIRL. GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF. If I was there I would have been right behind her giving air punches. Ha.

I have a subway story of my own…not as disturbing…but pretty interesting. A few months ago, I was in transit on the train reading the headline on a passenger’s newspaper. Well, said passenger was apparently non too happy I was reading his newspaper (that was wide open and right in front of my face) so his logical solution for me to stop reading his newspaper was for him to start EATING the newspaper. Erm…… it aint that serious boo. He continued eating the newspaper until a concerned passenger notified the conductor and once Newspaper Eater- Upper realized that they were contacting the police he ran off the train yelling “I’m NOOOT GOING BACK THERE!!!!!”

OOH NYC. Does anybody have any NYC Subway stories they want to share?

*********************************************************
-- my old So Bronx Co Worker Dan the Man shares:

Ha!
I've become so numb to subway incidents that my brain doesn't even store them anymore. There are the regulars, the saxophone player with tin foil antennae who says he's from outerspace and needs your donations to help him build a new space ship to get back home. There's the guy with the routine about how he pays $2 rent for his house, while we pay $2000 dollars a month for a house that doesn't even go anywhere, and then tells the seated passengers to get off his couch.
But my favorite recent incident was actually on a bus. I was on the M60 bus that goes down 125th St., and this guy snuck in the back door of the bus, appearing otherwise normal. About ten minutes later in the packed but silent bus he starts screaming with a big smile on his face "Heyyyy! I know, right? You know, I think they broke up, but they were a great band, right lady?" (he looked like he was talking to someone on the other end of the bus, but he really wasn't). "What was that song they sang?" Then his eyes got really wide, and he started dancing, bumping into people singing. "AH HAH I LIKE COOOOOKIIIIEEES! AH HAH I LIKE COOOOKIIIIEEEES! Aw, man. They were amazing!"
As luck would have it, we got off at the same stop, and I made sure to walk behind him. This was the best part. Every time a man would be walking towards him, he would stare at them, and they always noticed, and prepared for war getting halfway through their windup when he would say "Hey man how ya doin'?" Then they'd immediately disarm and say something like "Alright, man, how're you?" He did it to like 15 guys as we walked down the street! It was pretty hilarious.
Pretty tame in comparison, and maybe you had to be there, but it was funny.

*************************************************************

THANKS FOR SHARING DAN!!

Vegan: One Month In:

So, today is my one month anniversary of becoming vegan and I wanted to post some links to some sites that have really interesting studies and information that have helped my journey one month in.

This is an amazing NY Times article that talks about the "nutritionalization" of society and how false medical abstracts can influence the consumer at the drop of a hat. (Author Michael Pollan's general conclusion and first sentence is: "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."):

Unhappy Meals

Compassionate Cooks has a wealth of information as well as pod casts that are off the chain in terms of sharing vegan knowledge:

Compassionate Cooks


All About Soy -- I appreciate this link because it sub-links to studies done by medical professionals -- especially with all the brouhaha about soy being evil.

All About Soy


Some favorite food links (I hate to cook, so I pretty much just stare at the pictures whislt daydreaming about someone making me a a vegan cupcake shaped like a ball of yarn):

Post Punk Kitchen
Vegan Yum Yum

Eating out in NYC as a vegan is not hard with these DIED and gone to HEAVEN vegan/vegetarian restaurants.

Red Bamboo
Curlys
Zen Palate

These links (from co-worker S! thanks!) give great easy green living tips for the eco-conscious average Jane/Joe.

Gaiam
Ideal Bite



I just wanted to share!

If you have any feedback, books, information or links (both pro and con) please let me know!

Thanks!

xxoo,

elidia

Real Female Beauty:

I’ve been thinking a lot about female beauty lately, mainly as my body begins to (slowly, but surely) change—becoming vegan, doing a 3 month detox, as well as bikram yoga is NOT FOR NOTHING YA’LL. Nevertheless, my standards for female beauty are changing as well. I was never told I was beautiful growing up so I had to base what I thought beauty was on external factors such as peers, movies, TV and magazines. No wonder I had an eating disorder and low self esteem. However, as God heals my heart and restores my spirit from the hurts of my past he is showing me what real female beauty is.

Real beauty is my 72 year old yoga instructor Georgia, with salt and pepper hair who smiles with her eyes and talks with a laugh. When doing the spinal twist yoga pose she sings “Let’s Twist Again” by Chubby Checker while dancing –which makes everyone laugh and forget they are doing ridiculously hot yoga. She is captivating, glowing and beautiful.

Real beauty is my Professor friend Kara with her buzz haircut and bright, mismatched thrift-shop clothes, who laughs with her belly and who challenges her students to think for themselves. When she talks with you, she looks you straight in the eyes and makes you feel like the only person on the planet. She is luminous, charming and beautiful.

Real beauty is Elaine, the vibrant secretary with the spunky earrings at my college who always asked how I was doing, and then stopped whatever she was doing to listen to my response. It was never a stalk question for her, she genuinely wanted to know. She would always have a stash of snacks available so that the students would never go hungry. That kind of motherly, unselfish love is beautiful.

Real beauty is a God who delights in his daughters and brings into fruition our long-ago forgotten secret dreams.

After a lifetime of stumbling in the dark, confused, lost and feeling anything but beautiful—I am humbled, grateful and in awe of a God who turned on the light in my spirit, so that I may recognize real beauty, not only in myself, but in other women, people and the world around me.

Yes, Sarena is right, 2008 is the year of total restoration indeed.

BEST POST ON THE BEST NEW SITE EVER!!!

MYSPACE FRIEND REQUEST: Playerican would like to be added as one of your friends!



erm.....NO.

Random Things I Learned Today:

1. The free red Virgin Airline socks that you get when you take a plane overseas totally disintegrate when you wear them in real life. By the time I got to my 8pm Bikram Yoga class, they were paper thin and my feet were pretty much dyed red. I mean, COM'ON I already stand out in a class full of models and athletes in bikinis and speedos (it's HOT up in there ya'll) but RED FEET on a WHITE TOWEL?...Maybe nobody noticed.


2. I will pretend I am creepy stalker just so I will not blow a birthday prank. Lemmme explain...today is co-worker A's b-day (Side Note: it is also my brother's 25th b-day too!!! HAPPY B-DAY BROTHER!). Anywhoo, yesterday I thought it would be funny to change his screen saver to something obnoxious and birthday related before he got in in the morning and turned on his work computer. (His computer is locked by the by but my boss R is homie G's with IT and had them unlock his computer...they would have said no if I asked so THANKS R!!!) Sooo, to make a long story that is not even that funny EVEN longer, I found the perfect pics via the world wide inter-web and was trying to figure out how to arrange them when A walks by my desk and says, "HEY! Why am I on your computer?" and I said "gooo away stupid BOY!" OK, no I didn't but he was all "no really why do you have these pictures of me" and I was all "ahhh crap" and my co-workers were all pretending to work leaving me to think up a lie all on my own.

ME: (with a straight face): "I sorta stalk you."

A: "No really...why do you have pictures of me?"

ME: "No really...I like stalking you on the internet sometimes."

And then he looked at me weired and changed the subject.

HA....but today he got the little prank and was like, "uhh did you change my password too? b/c I can't get in."

Me: "I'm not REALLY stalking you...blame that on IT."

3. I also learned that I have zero tolerance for skinny male dancers in my yoga class complaining about their AND I QUOTE "meaty thighs." OH REALLY. GAG me w/ a spoon yo.

I love this site:


http://xkcd.com



How Stereotypes start:

Yesterday at the Union Square's Farmer's Market there were signs advertising A Real Farmer! that was going to be there in person. It was my lunch break and one of the first sunny days we've had since Winter ended (YEAH Spring!) so I mosyed on over to where the Farmer was and lo-and be-hold there were a swarm of New Yorkers around him

-- aaaaaall excited---

"oooooooooo! a REAL LIVE FARMER!"

hil.ar.ious.

I am going to have to do something very difficult tomorrow. I have not had the strength to do it before now, but this needs to be done.

Peace Pipes and Bibles.


Happy Easter ya’ll!

Oh wait.

I’m from Los Angeles not Dallas.

Happy Easter dudes!

YEAH West Coast 80’s vernacular still being used today!

Anywhoozies, I was nice and asleep in my bed—it is currently 7:30am on a Sunday and I went to sleep at 3am but something was BUGGING me so much I needed to get up and write it down. It all started yesterday when I saw this picture on a Christian website:
















that had this caption:

"Fun Fact: The Pilgrims were radical non-conformists who, unlike the Puritans who maintained their membership to the Church of England, believed worship should be organized independently of the trappings, traditions and organization of a central state church. The above picture is of Pilgrim leader John Carver and Massasoit, leader of the Wampanoag Confederacy, sharing a peace pipe."


But before I get to the picture I want to share what I believe. I am a Christian. People say, of course you are, your parents are both Christians, so it makes total sense. My response to that will forever be ERM…NO. My upbringing was a living nightmare filled poor choices on my “Christian” parents and “Christian” step-parents part and if anything I believe in God DESPITE what the people who raised me believe.

That being said, I am not a conservative person. People seem to think Christians are all from the South are all Republicans, love Bush and hate abortions and gay-marriage.

Unless you count Southern California as part of the South, then ERM…NO to all of that.

But please get me started on abortions and gay folks since most Christians wont touch these topics with a ten-foot pole unless they are saying it is wrong. Abortion. I don’t believe in it…but I will fight with every breath in my body for a woman’s right to chose. I would NEVER impose my morals on somebody else…and the founding fathers chose separation of church and a state for a reason. Gay-marriage. That one is tricky. I am fully aware of what the Bible says—the New Testament Bible at that and I believe that a lot of Christians believe gays are going to Hell anyway. But that is pure ignorance. We ALL have fallen short of the Glory of God and ALL would be Hell bound if it were not for God’s grace. That includes gay people too ya’ll. I mean dudes. A lot of Christians don’t really know any gay people. It’s easy to judge people you don’t know. Or really know--I’ll give an analogy. Just because you have one black friend does not mean you understand inner-city poverty. In addition, although I struggle to see why anybody would want to get married in the first place, I support gay –marriage because I support the fundamental belief--and the foundation of American Democracy—that all men are created equal.

But this blog entry is entitled Peace pipes and Bibles. WTF? You may ask. YES. This is my real struggle. Some Christians are so so busy converting the gay folk and the pregnant girls…but that is not what my Jesus loving heart struggles with. I have brown, white red and black colors (in that order) running through my veins.

YEAH mixed people!

And because of that, "Manifest Destiny" bothers me to my very CORE. And everyone else seems to have moved on. Peace pipes are just as much as my culture as Bibles are and my Cherokee—raised on a reservation in Oklahoma—Peace pipe smoking grandma would roll over in her red ground grave if I said that Manifest Destiny was God’s will. (The fact that my grandma is even from Oklahoma and not Georgia because my peeps had to go on a little hike called the Trail of Tears bothers me too—but I won’t open up THAT CAN OF WORMS.)

This is what I really struggle with. WHERE IS ALL OF THIS COMING FROM ELIDIA?

Seeing that stupid picture! Siiigh.

But back to the picture:













When I saw this picture yesterday along with the caption and it was all, yeaaah we’re progressive Christians! But all I kept on thinking was did he smoke that peace pipe before or after giving dem brown folks small pox infested blankets? I don’t have an answer to this…this is just something that really bothers me…so…

ya'll can put that in your pipe and smoke it.

That's right. I'm back to ya'll.


Feedback would be great::::

hit me up here:

ducontra04 (at) yahoo.com

Obama is one smart cookie.

Read or watch his Speech on Race here.

This man knows how to get to the heart of the touchiest of subjects in such a honest yet tender way.

I would love to see what would happen with him in office.

Happiness is…stomping to work this morning during the thunderstorm knowing that my toesies would stay nice and dry because of these bad boys:

For all you science geeks out there:

Today is National "Talk Like a Physicist Day!"

WHY?

"Because we're at least as cool as pirates, that's why."


I LOVE IT!

and

I LOVE HIM!"


Any 71 year old teacher who risks his life for the love of teaching Physics (confident the Laws of Physics will not kill him) is so adorbs to me.

That's right people.

Elidia loves math and science and is not ashamed to admit it.

So, an e-mail was sent out last week to our clients asking them if their titles have changed to let us know so we can update our databook. One of the clients wants his title changed from General Manager to Deputy General Manager.

This is not a joke.

Ummm, does he want me to call him Sherriff too?

On another note, my UCB Improv 301 show on Saturday was so much fun! It was pretty packed even with the crazy rainy weather and flood alerts.

LOVE to those who came out to support!

Although, afterwards we all went out, and I promise you I did not have that much to drink nor was in a restaurant that had ketchup packets, yet I woke up the next morning with like 30 ketchup packets in my purse. I am assuming some prankster put them there as a joke, because the other, more ridonkulous option was that I did it myself and have absolutely no recollection of doing so.

I don’t know why I found this hilarious but my work group got a high priority orange alert e-mail from a VIP client with only this as the message:


Who are you?


I think the real question is good sir, (in my best hookahed up Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland imitation voice, “WHO…are…YOU???”

For some reason whenever I feel BLAH, nostalgic / melancholy songs like Sarah McLachlan’s Building A Mystery make me feel better. Isn’t that weird? Shouldn't happy songs like R.E.M’s Shiny Happy People make me feel less blah? I am such a backwards person.

Also, I had a new Bikram Yoga instructor this morning and he was so cute I had no idea he was talking to me--for like five minutes!--because I was busy simply staring at him.

I am such a doof.

A backwards –tongued tied around cute boys-doof.

But, I’m kinda ok with this.

Here are the song lyrics:

Sarah McLachlan – Building A Mystery (HOW can you not love this song?)

You come out at night
That's when the energy comes
And the dark side's light
And the vampires roam
You strut your rasta wear
And your suicide poem
And a cross from a faith that died
Before Jesus came
You're building a mystery

You live in a church
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls
And you won't give up the search
For the ghosts in the halls
You wear sandals in the snow
And a smile that won't wash away
Can you look out the window
Without your shadow getting in the way?

You're so beautiful
With an edge and charm
but so careful
When I'm in your arms

Cause you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

You woke up screaming aloud
A prayer from your secret god
You feed off our fears
And hold back your tears, oh
Give us a tantrum
And a know it all grin
Just when we need one
When the evening's thin

You're a beautiful
A beautiful fucked up man
You're setting up your
Razor wire shrine

Cause you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

Ooh you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

You're building a mystery

I hate doctors. No really. I have had a ridiculous pain in my right heel and a swollen ankle in said heel since mid November and I refused to go to the doctor because I hate’emhate’emhate’em. Instead I just mastered the art of the discreet limp. But then I googled blog-clot this morning and got freaked out b/c it said you can die if it’s not treated (BAH!) so off I went this afternoon. The doctor laughed at the idea that I thought I had a blood clot because I have excellent circulation (yeah Bikram Yoga!) and was puzzled by my refusal to see a doctor about the intense pain for upwards of what? More than four months? Is that right? Holy Crap I am stubborn. Anywhoo…the doc says no blood clots—I have Plantar Fasciitis and a super Novocain-ed up right footsie—from a cortisone shot with a needle so deep it hit bone. TMI? Yeah..try being the patient who had to watch, pop some meds and then go back to work.

good times.

I'm way too excited about this:


Here is the full trailer for the Sex and the City Movie!!!

and I own the Fuchsia Complete Series Collector's Giftset...not even gonna lie.

Hey guys... I never pretended to be cool. eep!

Some nights a girl just needs to ditch yoga class, go home and eat chocolate cake whilst watching crap TV with Smashley and Smelli. Last nights was one of those nights.

My darling friend R calls me at 6:30 Thursday evening:

R: Do you want to have dinner tonight?

Me: No, I can’t I’m going to yoga in 30 minutes.

…Chattychattychatwordswordswordschattychattychat…

…5, 10 minutes later…

Me: Hmmm…maybe I should skip yoga and have dinner with you.

R: Well here’s the thing. My boss gave me two tickets to see The Color Purple tonight. And BeBe Winans [one of the headliners] gave him the tickets so the seats are amazing. Plus the show is closing soon so I was wondering if you wanted to do that?

Me: WHAT? Why didn’t you open with that? I mean I look scruffy and homeless because I’m about to go to yoga and all…but forget yoga I want to hear sing BeBe sing!

R: Well, you seemed committed to going to yoga and I didn’t want you to have to choose and then feel bad.

-- --

MORAL OF THE STORY: two FREE tickets—worth 120 dollars each—given by the headliner himself—with amazing seats—to a closing Broadway musical TRUMPS doing Hatha Yoga 105 degree heat for 90 minutes ANYDAY. In elidia’s book anyway. So always open with that.

Note i: I use to sing WITH BeBe back in the day with my choir in Los Angeles.
Note ii: That does not mean I sing LIKE BeBe. Truth be told, I was placed in the middle/back so my voice could “blend”.
Note: iii: The musical made my heart smile.

In other work related news, my boss was on a conference call and asked co-worker S something and I guess she was taking too long to answer because my boss then said impatiently, "S you're delaying my plan for world domination by five minutes."

Remember the TV show Family Matters? It was my favorite show back in the day. Remember the Western episode? Where Aunt Rachel is a madam/showgirl and sings "Rick-a-Shay Rachel"? No? Well, I do. I can actually sing the whole song.

Anywhoo, due to my unhealthy obsession with all things Family Matters I have different cast pictures as my background on my work computer. So, my office messenger guy T comes by today and sees one of the pictures.

Now I love T because he is this sweet old guy who always asks me questions but never gets my answers…but then again few do.

Le Sigh.

One of these days he's going to stop asking me questions all together.

-- --

T: Why do you have a picture of a black man as your background?

Me: That's Steve Urkel!

T: Who?

ME: From the TV Show Family Matters?!

T: What?

Me: Carl Winslow? Laura? Aunt Rachel?

T: Oh. So here's your mail. Bye.

Once upon a time my father and step-father did bad things to me.
And my mother--fully aware--did nothing. This broke my heart.

So I had to make the difficult choice to move far far away by myself and find my own path to heal. This broke her heart.

But it was the best choice for me.

And now that we are 3,000 miles apart we have somehow figured out a way to forgive, re-connect and support each other.

The people who know this ask me how.

I don’t really know. It’s an on-going process. Lots of distance, Lots of prayers, lot of grace, and lots of faith in a God who is bigger than our circumstances. And lots of love.

I’m sharing this with you because I know a lot of you are hurting. You tell me sad things and I don’t know how to respond. I tell you that you’re in my prayers and leave it at that. However, I need to say one more thing because I know this much is true: the same God who holds me in the palm of his hand, the same God -- loves you too.


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

I walked back to my desk and heard C in London talking and talking and talking via the speakerphone on co-worker B’s desk. The only problem was B was not there. Nobody was there. So, when I passed by, I stopped, leaned over the speakerphone and asked C (in London) who she was talking to (here in NYC). She said B. I said B is not here. C was not happy about that little revelation.



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

My mom told me that there would be a surprise for me when I got home on Valentine’s Day. So, I get home around 9:30pm and there is a box on the table that my roommate says she thinks is mine. I say whoo-hooo! and open it up. Fancy Valentine’s Day Package! Hooray! I open up the cookies inside offer them to one of my roommates and one of our friends who is over hanging out. I eventually get to the card that reads:


Happy Valentine’s Day Brian

I LOVE YOU!!!!

Love Always, Jessica.


OOOPS!

Now, I have NO idea who Brian is and I have NO idea who Jessica is but…thanks for the cookies! You’re the best!


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

My boss just said that N, "ran into the office like her pubic hairs were ablaze."

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Coworker N:

“I did not know South Africa was a country. I just thought it was the South of Africa.”


siiigh.

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

My boss just said Dante’s 7th level of hell is reserved for whoring developers.

*edit: I am NOT a developer!



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

So R from Marketing stopped by to talk to me about Project blahblahblah....or, to be more accurate, he stopped by to talk to my chest. I was like "HEY! Eyes up here buddy." R looked confused. I guess my boobies were not making enough sense.

sigh.

men.


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Psychotic Toilets of DOOM! Next to my job!

I guess I am the last know about stuff—but (and thanks IRC for the heads up) NYC has new public toilets. HOORAY! They cost 25 cents for 15 minutes and "after 12 minutes of use, an acoustic alarm and red flashing lights go off for three minutes before the door opens."

I'm SORRY WHAT? Some kid is so going to be permanently traumatized. BAH!

After this, the doors close and the bathroom is sterilized within an inch of its life.

Also, it is imperative to mention that the maximum capacity is 450 pounds.. erm for one toilet / person? Maybe I have a dirty mind but

bow-chick-y-wow-wow.

Here is the Press Release ((and I hope the ripping of toilet paper as oppose to the cutting of ribbon for the grand opening is duly noted))!







email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

I just read Steve Martin’s autobiography last night. I know that I should be focusing on all of the profound stuff he is saying but all I can think is holy crap that man got a lot of action!

This is the same goofball from Father of the Bride and The Three Amigos!



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

I guess MLK is not the only person "who has a dream..."

Watch Bill Clinton fall asleep during a MLK Remembrance Speech



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

flirting 101 (i should be insulted that i was e-mailed this link (because i gots no game) however i am actually really interested):

http://people.howstuffworks.com/flirting.htm



so i am reading the article and under The Science of Flirting it says:

"If we only governed flirting with the most rational part of our brains, we might not ever flirt -- or get a date -- at all. In fact, according to biologist Dr. Antonio Damasio, there's a connection between brain damage and flirting. He states that "people with damage to the connection between their limbic structures and the higher brain are smart and rational -- but unable to make decisions" [source: Psychology Today]."


BAH! i don't have brain damage! i'm just shy when it comes to boys! hahaha


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

I love me some girl movies!…even superficial-fluffy-Jr. High-slumber-party-chick flicks…and I am so not going to apologize for this.

I am super excited about the movies coming out below! I am confident that Tina Fey’s movie will be smartly written because (as Mean Girls, SNL, and 30 Rock have established) Fey is pretty sharp with the pen. Not to mention, (and maybe I am biased because I am studying at the UCBT) Amy Poehler has great comedic timing. I also have high hopes for Katherine Heigl’s movie (Heigl’s comedic timing was on point in Knocked Up—who knew?--plus Heigl is smart enough to launch her own production company which makes me love her even more). I am pretty sure Eva Longoria’s movie will be superficial and silly but I love how she plays bitchy on Desperate Housewives. Besides, I am excited that a Latina has a lead role in a movie and even more excited that Longoria is not playing a maid in said movie. Not all Latinas are maids and /or immigrants. Just going to put that out there.

You can see the movie trailers here:

http://babymamamovie.net/
http://www.27dressesthemovie.com/
http://www.overherdeadbodymovie.com/



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Co-worker A just told co-worker N that he made up a bull sh-- club in high school called:

S.T.A.P.L.E.S

Students Talking About Problems Like EqualS

Just so they would have something to write on their empty college applications.


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

So apparently my Costco Green Tea bags come with instructions:

Place the tea bag into your cup.
Pour hot water at 176 degrees F (80 degrees C)
Wait about 30 seconds before you remove the tea bag from your cup.
Drink.


I was so lost before those instructions -- THANK YOU SO MUCH for clearing that up, Costco!



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

I want to drop kick my Bikram yoga instructor.

We are not allowed to pee, leave the room, or do non-Bikram poses. We are also not allowed to drink water or MOVE unless she says it's ok.

Keep in mind Bikram Yoga is 90 minutes of Hatha Yoga in an enclosed/windowless 105 degrees F/60% humidity room.

Something about learning self-control and focus blahblahblaaaaah.

Maybe I'll thank her in 6 months when I am healthy and all zen and crap but for right now all I can think is---

WHAT a Freaking Fascist.


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

I had a dream last night where there were a large group of women (including me) drowning in the ocean due to shipwreck. We somehow made it to shore and then I wanted to go home. So, I got on the bus but was too tired to get off at my stop so I sat on the bus and then eventually got off someplace I have never been. I went to a party in my shipwrecked clothes however nobody seemed to notice. And since they never asked what happened I never told them. So I danced all night in my tattered clothes that nobody noticed pretending that a life-altering event did not just occur.

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

when i was two my god-mother dressed up like a clown for my birthday and when she walked in the room--all decked out in her clown glory--i would not stop screaming (not crying--screaming) until she left. i wonder if this was because when i was born my abuelo (grandpa) got me a stuffed clown doll with huge bugged out eyes to “snuggle up” with.

i got clown issues, i know.

at any rate, that’s why i find this article hilarious methinks:


Don't send in the clowns

Wed Jan 16, 8:32 AM ET
LONDON (Reuters) - Bad news for Coco and Blinko -- children don't like clowns and even older kids are scared of them.
The news that will no doubt have clowns shedding tears was revealed in a poll of youngsters by researchers from the University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards.
The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary.
"As adults we make assumptions about what works for children," said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university.
"We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable."
(Reporting by Michael Holden; Editing by Steve Addison)

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

When you are the last person to the bagel cart in the morning and your options are fat free salmon cream cheese spread for your bagel or nothing at all…always choose NOTHING AT ALL. I just learned this the hard way.


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Crazy Co-Worker Y’s (the one who sits right behind me) had to empty out her desk and move on Friday. I was in a meeting all morning so I had no idea why. Perhaps it was because she coated my desk (with me in it) with Lysol (which got me sick)? At any rate, she got moved to another (faaaar away!!) part of the building. When she moved, co-worker S and I danced around the office. Oh, and our male boss C laid seductively on Y’s desk like a swim-suit calendar but I don’t really want to talk about that.

So today, co-worker M’s friend came by our side of the building to complain about some ridiculously obnoxious lady who just moved in the cubicle next to her. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. She is talking about Crazy Co-Worker Y.

SUCKAS!!!

((Please refer to Thursday, January 03, 2008's post for clarification.))

email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

Creepy bumper sticker of the year posted on my bus this morning:

www.sexyprisoners.com
“Because sexy prisoners need love too”

I don’t have time to really look at the site but the first line is:

“This is the place to come to meet great friends, Penpals and even a lot more.”

ewwwwwww.

get me out of new jersey STAT.



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I am going to DIE alone. No, seriously, if I don't get over being so freaking shy around boys, I am going to DIE alone. There was a cute guy in the lunch line behind me (wow…Jr. High flashback I KNOW) and he kept on trying to talk to me. HOWEVES, yours truly got really shy and I put my head down and just mumbled responses back and then as soon as I got my food left quickly. WHAT is wrong with me? I am not a shy person by any means, in fact I am pretty loud and boisterous EXCEPT when it comes to dating. In college I asked this guy out on the last day of school and then I turned around and RAN AWAY. This would all be hilarious if it were not SO SO SO SAD.


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My co-worker just said:

"not only do i have a fake tree but i wrap fake presents to put under the fake tree."

my response:

"that is quite possibly the saddest thing i have ever heard."



email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

AL [4:42 PM]:
we should start a blog about her
AL [4:42 PM]:
it would be hilarious
EE[4:42 PM]:
oh you think i haven't?
AL[4:43 PM]:
really? where?
EE[4:43 PM]:
no i am kidding but i do have a blog
EE[4:43 PM]:
that sometimes has office stuff in it
AL [4:43 PM]:
ah.
AL [4:43 PM]:
so is today's episode going in?
EE [4:44 PM]:
mmmmmmmmmm
EE [4:50 PM]:
My crazy co-worker Yvette just sprayed a half a can of Lysol around her cubicle (which is 2 feet away from mine) because she refuses to “get anymore sick”. Of course, she is already getting better and it was earlier on this week that her contagious germs of death were permeating our innocent healthy office environment. And now I am breathing in a life time supply of Pine-scented Lysol crap and my eyes are burning out of my sockets. MY EYES! MY EYYYYES! Home-girl is going down. Oh, it is so on.
AL [4:51 PM]:
i'd mention her name as just "Y" and play the pun of "why? oh why god!?"
AL [4:52 PM]:
mention that she showered all of us.
AL [4:52 PM]:
all 12 of us
EE [4:54 PM]:
Rewrite:
My crazy co-worker Y (as in Y God? WWWHHHHYYYYY? (hahaha another co-worker told me to add that)) just sprayed a half a can of Lysol around her cubicle (which is 2 feet away from mine) because she refuses to “get anymore sick”. She then proceeded to shower the rest of the office with her pine-scented Lysol can-o-fun. Of course, she is already getting better and it was earlier on this week that her contagious germs of death were permeating our innocent healthy office environment. And now I am breathing in a life-time supply of pine-scented Lysol crap and my eyes are burning out of my sockets. MY EYES! MY EYYYYES! Home-girl is going down. Oh, it is so on.
AL [4:55 PM]:
awesome.




email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

"he who drowns first has the last word"

is the ancient chinese proverb on the green tea i am drinking.


email me! you know you wanna: heydreamergirl@yahoo.com

The Year of the Dreamer


Writer Robbie Baitz has called 2008, The Year of the Dreamer.


This is also the year Elidia finds her voice.


1.HEALTH:



I am tired of being overweight. So I signed on for a 6 month min. commitment with Bikram Yoga (90 minutes of hatha yoga done in 105 degree heat, 60% humidity), but have no time to do it in the evening. This means I have to get up 3.5 hours earlier just to make the 6:45am class. Today, I had to wait outside for the bus this morning at 5:30am with a negative 2 degree wind-chill factor (living next to the Hudson River during winter is such gooood times.) You know what though? No more excuses when it comes to getting healthy.



2.WRITE:



I consider myself a writer but I rarely write anymore--so I just enrolled in the last spot in UCB current cycle's last open Sketch Comedy Writing 101. And I am actually really nervous---I was pretty nervous when I signed up for UCB Improv 101 (I had such bad stage fright it took me a whole year just to sign up for the first level). However, my teacher Ari was incredibly supportive and to this day continues to give me amazing advice.




3. PERFORM:



I have enrolled in UCB's Improv 301. I am really excited and no longer nervous about performing. I'd say that is largely due to my Improv 201 class/teacher combo. 201 is really exhausting because it is comedy theory and my teacher Curtis was super blunt yet really smart with his observations—and that combination kinda forced me to get over myself.




These are not New Year's Resolutions—I have not made any New Year's Resolutions since elementary school. This is more a declaration to no longer be stagnant in how my life unfolds.

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